Jenn's Losing It

Sunday morning in the Weight Watchers meeting room one of the things we talked about is how you aren't determined by the number on the scale or in your clothes. Those numbers don't define you and shouldn't be the cause for you to "wait until you've reached that so called magic number". My leader caught me agreeing to all that she said and put me out there. I responded with some painful truth for me. When I hit my goal weight in 2010/2011, I didn't find that pot of happiness at the end of the journey and at the time I couldn't tell you why. I couldn't tell you why until just recently. Now don't get me wrong, I had some other things going on around this time that added to my misery but my weight loss "let down" was from other choices. I'll roll back to the beginning. My original "weight loss why", the reason I started my journey was "To do something for me, put myself first". Nathan was born in the summer ...

So as I take a look back at my week, overall I had a good one. I ate when I was hungry and made mindful choices. I tracked each and everyday using both the Weight Watchers app and My Fitness Pal. What's kind of crazy is how on days that were out of sight for points on Weight Watchers weren't bad calorie/nutrient wise on My Fitness Pal. I haven't been drinking enough water. That I do know. I have a personal goal of 120oz per day and I've been averaging about half of that so I'd like to step it up on that end. Not eating sweets has been an intermittent problem for me over this past week. However I was able to satisfy the cravings with some mini marshmallows.  One thing I've noticed this week is I'm feeling a little down, emotionally. I've been recovering remarkably well from my gallbladder surgery and I am thankful for that. Right now I'm only taking Tylenol and Motrin as needed, which is rarely. I am able to move around fairly wel...

I am living this today. I am my own worst critic. I am my own worst enemy. I see things is such a dark light that no one else sees me in (or at least I hope not). I don't hide the fact that I've battled depression and anxiety for years now. I stopped (under my doctors care) my medication about a year ago and overall things have gone ok. I have flare ups. But recently the flare ups have gotten closer together. Losing my shit over the stupidest things. Wanting to throw in the towel on my current weight loss efforts and go in search of "someone who will fix me". Today I started calling around to nutritionists in the hopes I would find one that would magically fix me. But then the reality of the cost hit me first (it's not in the budget right now) and then just now my husbands words resonated in my head. It all falls back on me. Every diet plan. Then I took that a step further into looking at all I do.  I hate telling people I'm a stay at home parent. I feel embar...

    Recently after eating like I was going to the chair I came to the conclusion that I suffer from binge eating.  I spent some time on the web and realized that I had a legitimate problem.  This is what has been standing in my way over this last year of constantly trying to lose weight.  I've always been guilty of doing this.  It used to be on weigh in day for Weight Watchers.  I would starve myself the morning of the meeting until I would weigh in, then I would binge eat for the rest of the day, not counting points and just hanging my hat on the fact that I had a whole week to "work it off".  I somehow ended up being successful with my weight loss pulling this crap the last time.  This time the reality of life and not concentrating that "Free Food" day to one day has kept me at a stagnant weight.  I am close to the heavest I have ever been and from what I've been reading, that is not helping my disorder.   Now please don't mistake...