Jenn's Losing It

I know it's been a while. I've been finding my way in life. Still am. Tomorrow we start a new chapter. James, 3, is heading off to school. I was really excited until it hit me today that I might actually miss him being around all day. This afternoon we'll go meet his teacher. We're familiar with the school since Nate (8) goes there already.  The big question is what do I do? I'll be transporting the kids to & from school daily leaving me a few hours daily that will be all me. My husbands business can always use support. Growing the business is always a priority. But I'm looking for something that's all mine too.  Maybe I'll take a week or two and just do things for me. Reflect upon what makes me feel purposeful since I'm still a little lost on that front. I'm hoping to give more time to my blog and over sharing about my life. Haha.  Here's to the next chapter and hanging in there with me.  #momstuff 

Well. Week one is complete of my cleanse. I'm feeling great. I'm not bloated. I'm not tired. No headaches. I feel amazing.  I didn't follow the directions completely. I couldn't. I kept coffee each morning. I can't human without coffee. I've head eggs, meat and I've had a few cheats. I had fudge with my kids while we were day tripping, I've had cheese because it's wonderful (although our feelings aren't mutual I'm afraid).  I've found a new love - Strawberry and Avocado Smoothies with whey protein. It takes me a while to drink and keeps me full for hours.   I'm wearing jeans this week that were too tight about a month ago. So. I'm excited to see where the rest of this cleanse and month go!

Well. I've decided to give the Standard Process 21 Day Cleanse another shot. My main goal in doing this again is not for weight loss (although I wouldn't be mad if I lost some weight) but to regain healthy eating habits. Even though I've been tracking with weight watchers over the last year or so the scale really hasn't moved. Basically it's because I've been cheating myself. Either not working out or fooling myself on serving sizes. I snack with my kids and don't track it or I eat 5 of something but only track one. Sweets. Oh yummy sweets. These are my downfall. This is where I go when I'm stressed. I'll bake a cake. Eat half. With the promise to myself that I'll do better the next day.  So. Day one was yesterday April 7th. I had 3 shakes with varied ingredients. For food I had 1 egg with 3 egg whites and about 3oz of corned beef. It smelled too good to pass up. I also kept my cup of coffee in the morning with fat free half & half. When I ca...

I am living this today. I am my own worst critic. I am my own worst enemy. I see things is such a dark light that no one else sees me in (or at least I hope not). I don't hide the fact that I've battled depression and anxiety for years now. I stopped (under my doctors care) my medication about a year ago and overall things have gone ok. I have flare ups. But recently the flare ups have gotten closer together. Losing my shit over the stupidest things. Wanting to throw in the towel on my current weight loss efforts and go in search of "someone who will fix me". Today I started calling around to nutritionists in the hopes I would find one that would magically fix me. But then the reality of the cost hit me first (it's not in the budget right now) and then just now my husbands words resonated in my head. It all falls back on me. Every diet plan. Then I took that a step further into looking at all I do.  I hate telling people I'm a stay at home parent. I feel embar...

On December 17, I began my Body Revolution journey. It took me 5 weeks to complete Phase 1 because I decided to repeat a week that I slacked off on. I'd say I'm pleased so far. I've lost 14 inches overall and I'm down .4 pounds. I'm thrilled over the inches, but wish the pounds were more. I know my eating was completely off. I fooled myself into thinking I was eating right, not tracking my foods. When I began Phase 2 on Thursday I committed myself into tracking every bite, lick and taste no matter what they add up to. In the past of be good for eating a snickers, not counting it for some random reasoning like I was on the road with the kids or because I was stressed. Travel and stress points count too. I'll never be satisfied on the scale if I'm not true to myself.  I'm excited to start Phase 2 (even though my body is screaming no you're not after the first workout yesterday).  Here's my measurement chart so far, I've decided to do my measure...

Yup. This morning was a let down. I really expected to see some sort of a loss. Any kind of loss. But I do recognize where I could make changes for this week.  1. Carbs. After doing my cleanse I learned that I am carb intolerant. Yet I continue to keep breads in my diet. My bloating was far less when I didn't eat any breads,pastas and crackers.  2. Dairy. I also learned dairy is a trigger for me. I've eaten quite a bit of those spreadable cheeses this past week.  3. Exercise. I've done some walking, even some jogging. But 2 good days doesn't cover a whole week. I set a 10k step goal for myself and only met it 3 out of 7 days.  This week I'll make some changes and see where it takes me.  1. Omitting the foods I mentioned above.  2. Making sure I hit those step goals each day.  3. Fighting the negative talk in my head is always a huge challenge.  4. Remembering to put myself first. I am more than a stay at home mom.  I set some self empowerment...

I posted this on my Instagram this morning and it's been stuck in my head ever since. It's so true. You absolutely have to love yourself before you can do anything else.  I am literally sitting under a tree on the side of a path writing this because I was so inspired while I was walking. Just prior to my walk I called my husband, in the middle of his job and just let it all out. Complete with sobbing. All of the things that were binding me up inside. I've felt like absolute shit for the past few weeks and today it hit me. I've set myself up with so much pressure on every task (large or small) in my life that I actually have set myself up for failure on all that I touch.  Years ago I named my blog Jenny's Life Story mainly because it sounded like a cute name. Well. I just realized...I want to be Jenny. That's right, sounds crazy right? Nope, I want to be Jenny. Jenny in my mind is the girl I was many many years ago without high expectations of myself and of other...