True Life...True Story

I posted this on my Instagram this morning and it's been stuck in my head ever since. It's so true. You absolutely have to love yourself before you can do anything else. 
I am literally sitting under a tree on the side of a path writing this because I was so inspired while I was walking. Just prior to my walk I called my husband, in the middle of his job and just let it all out. Complete with sobbing. All of the things that were binding me up inside. I've felt like absolute shit for the past few weeks and today it hit me. I've set myself up with so much pressure on every task (large or small) in my life that I actually have set myself up for failure on all that I touch. 
Years ago I named my blog Jenny's Life Story mainly because it sounded like a cute name. Well. I just realized...I want to be Jenny. That's right, sounds crazy right? Nope, I want to be Jenny. Jenny in my mind is the girl I was many many years ago without high expectations of myself and of others. I loved myself. I cared for others and those that are close and my family still remember calling me that ( I begged them to stop because I suddenly hated it). 
I want to love myself radically. I want to appreciate and love my husband and kids with no limits. There is a difference between setting a standard for yourself and setting high expectations. Learning to live that way is a whole different story. 
For me, I know I have a few things to make peace with in my life. Most importantly it's the constant fear I instil in myself of letting others down. These people, in most cases have no expectation from me, other than the one I created myself. 
According to mysticmamma.com, November is the month of pressure – at this moment, only 5 days in, it couldn’t feel more true.
“This month we enter the labor that will birth our own transformation and change. And just as in actual childbirth, once the process begins, there is no going back.
The pressure we feel is that of being in a container that has grown too small. It is time to face the unknown, our own fears and resistance, and move ourselves to the next level.”
Within these next few days I plan to lay the groundwork for what's needed to make peace in my head and heart. This ground work will bring me closer to the person I want to be. 
XOXO Jenn (Jenny)❤️

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